...does a thought really change a situation...

 You know there's people who are stressed all the time!? The people who live in their heads so much with their anxiety- that it often ruins their reality? That person is me. I am not proud of the fact but sadly I do relate to it. That is probably why I suffer through most of the days of my (so apparently!) blessed life.

I have been this anxious person for so long that I have probably become comfortable in this way of life. Until a few months ago, I was seemingly unaware of my masochistic delight at my own suffering. I had become so so so hardwired to be stressed all the time, to have anxiety attacks in the broad daylight. You know the works...

So, here's the thing, I was stressed at my workplace as usual. Always freaking out, wondering if I am enough. Making things difficult for myself. This with difficult people to deal with didn't make things easy for me. It's been 6 months at my said workplace that I learned an important lesson today- it wasn't the person that was difficult, it was me! My perspective, the power I gave the situation and the people around me.

Seems silly to me that it was something that could be tackled so easily. Here's what I did (different than usual) today-

1. Woke up and told myself today will be a good day and even if a few things go wrong, it'll be alright.

2. It won't be a perfect day even if I do my best and that is okay too!

3. I was determined to enjoy myself as much as possible at work.


That is all I did different, yes, I work on weekends sometimes. And yes! I expect them to be no different than any weekend I have worked before. Busy, stressful for all parties involved and with a reasonable amount of drama involved. Having said 3 positive things to myself this morning, I still had the following things lurking in my head in in the shower-

1. Is the device that slowed me at work repaired? Crap, I am going to be so destroyed if it isn't!

2. What if the said difficult person is having a bad day? God, I am going to be so doomed!

3. Oh no! I am probably going to fail at my new role day after (Gah! I wasn't just stressing, I was stressing; about a day that hadn't even dawned!)!!!


However, I stepped out and reminded myself of the 3 things that I told myself when I woke up. I mindfully repeated that narrative in my mind as I walked to work. I guess my brain started to (at least partially!) believe it by the time I got to work. The rest as they say was history. Did I have the perfect day? NO. The device still wasn't repaired, I had some dramatic outburst over things that weren't my fault but the important thing is this- I came home at peace. It wasn't perfect but I made it. I want to feel like this daily and break up with my anxiety. Will I manage to do that? Maybe... Only time will tell, I guess.


I am just pleased that I won, I won a little battle with myself. I managed to not place too much importance on things that are not anyone's fault, it's just a tough situation in life. We're all just humans trying to thrive and get by... I am not mad, sad or happy. I am just okay, and I think on some days (if not most) okay works just fine!


Until next time peeps :)

Take care and be kind!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Joshua Templeman- seemingly an absolute Chad!

 This post is about the one fateful day, I saw an advert for a RomCom on a YouTube video and on this rare occasion- I immediately switched to the movie and saved the video for later. I won’t lie, my first impulse to watch the movie was Austin Stowell’s face, I am also not sorry that I watched The Hating Game ! Now that I have read the book on which the movie is based- I understand a lot of things that I thought remained unexplained/ out of place in the movie. Yes, I ended up liking the story of the movie that much! To be honest I am like this with different things that I like about a movie, cartoon, video game, author, actor… you name it!   Now, I will try my best to give out spoilers, but I guess it will fail at that anyway. So, consider this as a Spoiler alert warning for this post. On with it now… The movie or the book by itself are no Shakespearean piece, I like it for the ease with which it delves in the insecurities of both parties involved. Though most people may ca...
Read more

Choices and consequences

 Not a very long post today Much going on in life offline to be writing lengthy posts at the moment. However, I think I may be closer to understanding on of the many facets about being an adult. The fun part is- the way I see it now, it is true! No one in their right minds has their lives figured out. We all make it up as we go along...!? 😛 So far, my most and least favourite part about this the fact that 3 things ring truer than anything else- 1. With great power, comes great responsibility. 2. You are the choices you make. 3. You live with the consequence of each choice you make, no escaping there! More later... work calling! Take care and be kind! 
Read more

So I've been thinking...

 So I've been thinking.. as we do! 😛 Community is such a double edged sword. We all crave a sense of community but isn't it the same community the one that drives us to madness at times. How many times have we had to say what we didn't mean just to belong? Let go of things we really loved to do, for fear that people may judge/ talk?  Life is a tough gig as is, without the excess stress of risking being the misfit, right? Makes me wonder though- is being a misfit really all that bad? I mean don't we all go through a phase where we feel like we don't belong? I sure did. To be honest- I still feel out of place on some days. But hey at least I have learned the value of my own company, being confident in the knowledge that it is better than the company of some members of the so called community. Don't get me wrong, I have friends. Not too many, just enough. It amazes me that I catch so many of the people I know lying through their teeth so that they could conform t...
Read more